im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
