he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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