I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize