the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
