cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
