I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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