he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize