Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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