Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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