Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
