I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
