you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
