Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
