cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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