I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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