the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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