they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
