theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
