Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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