The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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