you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize