Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
