we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
