My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
