I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
