Your face is a jimmy john
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
