This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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