You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
