What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
