Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
