You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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