Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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