I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
