I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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