This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I could fuck to npr.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
