My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
