3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
