I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
