my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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