Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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