I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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