I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
