I got chris browned last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize