i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
