he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
