there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
