sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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