I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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