So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize