The best revenge is premature balding
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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