jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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