Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
