she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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