I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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