Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
