i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
