so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
