Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
