were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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