this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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