oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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