We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
