I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
