So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
