I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
