dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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