I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
that may or may not have been my penis.
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