as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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