I am full of burrito and curiosity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
