I am puke
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
