Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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