all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
