If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
