It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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