O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
