I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
