Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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