you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
