I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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