Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
