Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize