My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's the barista slut.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
