Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
