the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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