help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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