Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize