It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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