I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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