hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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