i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
