I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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