Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
